Someone asked how did he end up back in my house when I said he wasn't coming back until he passed a drug test.
I think now is a good time to introduce you to a part of me that some of you might not know about. Hi, I'm H an I'm spineless. I have absolutely no boundaries and I will, given the chance, allow my self to be walked all over and completely taken advantage of. So, yeah, that's basically it.
On the 22nd he just sort of showed up after a meeting and never left. I didn't WANT him back here but I sort of gave in. Munchkin was miserable without his daddy. He was acting out at daycare, hitting other kids, not listening, spending at least once every day in the directors office. And when DH would come to visit he would cling to him and cry when he left.
So, I was stupid. I THOUGHT that DH was doing well. I THOUGHT that he had three weeks clean and he was going to meetings every night. I didn't know he wasn't clean because I couldn't see him and the way he acted. He wasn't living here. So, I made a decision, one that I regret now and I let him stay. In my mind since I thought he was doing well and it was just one more week until he could pass the test I thought why torture Munchkin with what is a temporary situation.
I now know that was a bad choice. Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? And now that he's here... I just can't seem to make him go away. There are large guilt trips involved about how his life will be over and how he loves us so much and this is a disease and he's struggling with it. There are promises of how this is the last time, this time it will be different, he's done, etc.
It has been three weeks of hell and I'm so conflicted I don't know what to do. I'm making decisions, bad decisions, based off of, we owe a lot of money. He will be making money this summer why should he have that money and I be poor. He should have to stick around a pay for it. I have to make better choices. I suck at choices. And decisions... and well pretty much anything where DH is concerned.
So I have sought outside help. I'm e-mailing my sponsor every day, I'm a BAD phone person. I HATE calling people to just "talk." So, e-mail it is. And she is giving me the best advice she can. We also have couples and individual counseling that we will be attending starting this weekend, assuming we make it to this weekend.
So there you have it, he sort of showed up and I'm spineless and didn't make him leave and now I'm afraid I'll screw up Munchkin even more if he leaves and then comes back so I'm trying to decide if permanent removal of him from our household is what's best for all of us or if we can still fix what is broken.
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As I read what you are writing I am dumbfounded at what I hear you saying and the overall situation.
You can’t put a dollar sign on your son so I would file bankruptcy and lose everything before I stayed for monetary reasons.
If your son was sick or had an accident you would sell everything you had to keep him safe and well; to hear you use money as an excuse to stay shocks me especially when you are not a monetary person. File bankruptcy and then pay your parents back. Do whatever you have to do.
I once met this lady who was married for 20 some years to a man who put her into 2 million dollars worth of debt from a drug and gambling related lifestyle. She left him and took all the debt – didn’t even fight it. I asked her why she did it to which she responded: “I had children, I had a life and a family; the price I paid by staying was far higher than the debt it may take me forever to pay off because now I feel free”. Update: she has it completely paid off and if I told you her name you would probably know her as she is a successful member in the communitee.
It is not your choice to make or keep a relationship between your son and his father. Look at your husband and his father; even if DH’s mother were still there or helped to salvage this relationship they probably still wouldn’t have one. All you can do is love him enough and make 100% the right decisions as the sole provider and guardian for him at this current time.
With all this going on inside the walls of your home not only is munchkin subjected to it but he is being shorted out of both of his parents fully and completely.
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