Day 12

Well, what a day yesterday was huh? I guess you know the basics... but again... a commitment is a commitment so here I am.

About noon yesterday I got a call from DH asking what the plan was. I think the expected me to tell him to just come home and we would work it out but I didn't. I think if he would have fought me on it I might have caved, but he just went along with it. Said he was going to talk to his cousin about an apartment above the car wash.

About 3:30 he called back and said his cousin said he could stay there so he would be there tonight cleaning things up but would probably sleep on our couch until he could get it livable.

So, after work I talked to DH and he said he was getting his apartment ready, so I went to my meeting and then out to dinner with the regular group I eat with. When I got done with dinner I called DH because I sort of wanted to get the check from him to put in the bank before he decided to do something else with it.

I basically pass the car wash on my way home so I figured I might as well stop. He was there and gave me the check no problem. I also got to look around a little bit and believe me when I tell you this is NOT living in the lap of luxury. The place is SMALL... like Efficiency small. And right now, it's very much full of junk.

His cousin flips houses and so he said that he has a storage area filled with furniture that he has salvaged so he will be able to give that to DH to use. I can't help but be pretty relieved that he has a place, and that it is not with us right now.

It's funny, but last night after dinner DH's new sponsor was talking to me and I found myself trying to justify why I thought this was the best decision. He just looked at me and said "no one is judging you for what you did." And that's when it hit me. No one but me. I am judging me. I feel like a big fat failure for not being able to do it. For not being able to save my marriage. When in reality, as my sponsor told me, I didn't make the choice. He did, I just reacted with the only option I felt I had.

So anyway, after I left DH I went home and went to bed. I think I was asleep by 10:30 and I didn't wake up once. When my alarm went off at 4:30 I realized that he was not there. It was SOO nice to be able to sleep and not be up every hour wondering why he didn't call and why I can't get him to answer his phone.

I did call him at 4:30, mostly because it was a habit of where are you and my brain wasn't even awake enough to realize what I was doing until after I hung up the phone. When he told me he stayed at the apartment the first thing I thought was he's lying to me. But then, a relief spread over me. He might be lying but it's not my problem right now!! :-)