Day Two

Yesterday was better. Well sort of. I found out about the using and the dealing in the morning but then I went to work and the day went ok.

I thought all day about e-mailing the lawyer, he's a family friend, and just getting some advice but I didn't do it. I just couldn't make that leap. So I called a counseling service that has evening and weekend hours and I made an appointment for Saturday for both of us. The guy we are talking to is an expert in couple's counseling but they have someone there that they said DH would see alone who specializes in addiction and chemical dependency.

Then I came home and well, it was just stress all over again. I'm pretty sure I'm REALLY starting to resent him. I forgot my boots so I had to stop at home before I fed the horses and he was asleep on the couch. WTF?? Really? You need to sleep after 7 or 8 hours of work? Like not just a little sleep either, passed out, because I had called at 5:30 and talked to him and woken him up from whatever stupor he was in and he still fell back asleep. So he was sleeping pretty deeply and it just pushed all of my buttons. He had no reason to be that deep into sleep unless he was using or recovering from using this weekend. I'm hoping it was the later but I don't know that for sure.

After that my night calmed down for, oh I don't know and hour. Munchkin and I got some food we played and cleaned up from when everyone was here on Sunday and then I put him to bed. About 8:00 I tried to call DH, he was at a meeting (not AA) with my dad, and I got his voice mail. So I snooped and listened to his message only to find out that he has been back to this house on the East side that he SWORE he would never go to again. I know, never listen to an addict.

And I'm pretty sure that's what pushed me over the edge. I can't go back there again. Today I need to muster up the courage to e-mail the lawyer my questions. When he was using before I was told by DHS that they could not keep DH from Munchkin simply for pot use. That it was not a reason to remove a child or keep them away. I need to find out if that is still true and if it is how I keep DH from being unsupervised with Munchkin on my own. I'm wondering if I could build it in to the divorce decree or if the judge has to be the one to require supervised visits and would a judge do that based on his past history alone or not. I will NOT let Munchkin be with him unsupervised, even if that means staying married to him.

Then we come to the money thing. I don't know if the massive sums of money that we owe my parents can be split upon divorce. They are technically "off the books" debt and the only way to account for them is to ask me or my mom. There isn't any note on my credit report that those sums were paid although I do still have the bills and I'm sure my mom has carbons of the checks she wrote to pay the bills.

Either way, yesterday was counselor day, today is lawyer day. If we make it to Saturday to see the counselor... great. If we don't... I guess I have the lawyer as my backup plan.