Ok, there's no transition... I'm just switching topics here. You all still with me? I went and saw a movie tonight with a couple of friends. It has been 5 weeks of busy season, 5 weeks of 55 hour weeks and 6 hours of sleep per night. I SOOO needed that movie.
But the movie, it got me thinking. I miss dating. Isn't that awful? Most married women talk about how they don't miss the is he going to call, the having to put on your best performance, etc. But I miss it. I miss the romance, the mystery, the whole thing. I find myself looking at guys now, wondering if he's single, what would he act like, etc.
This concerns me. I'm still not sure that I want anything other than DH but the mere fact that my mind is starting to wander makes me wonder if I'm even still in this relationship. I can't answer that right now, nor do I want to try. It hurts my brain.
"[...] At that point, something inside told me to continue to wait, to learn, to recover, before deciding about this relationship. But I hate to wait. I struggled, prayed for guidance, weighed the pros and cons. The answer was always the same: "Wait. Do nothing yet. The time will come." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. So I ignored it. I forced a "solution" and walked out.
I was immediately consumed with guilt and self-doubt. Had I made the worst mistake of my life? I still loved this person so much, and though I was deeply troubled, I wasn't convinced that leaving was the answer. I had to admit that I had acted prematurely. Only with more time was I eventually able to come to a decision that I knew I could live with."
- Courage to Change
Today I am trying SOO hard to really listen to my higher power. To take the time to think about all of my options before I make decisions. We live in such a "drive thru" society that everyone around me seems to want me to just make a decision and move on with it. I can't, and won't do that because I know if I do I will always wonder, what if. I have to be ready to jump and I have to have the strength to know that I am making the best decision that I can with the information I have at the moment.
If I leave, I never want to look back and wonder what if. I want to know that I did all I could and that I was ready to walk away. Today, I can't make that call, tomorrow is another day.....
3 comments:
You can’t look back and wonder what if? But you won’t look forward and wonder what if either!?
With everything you have said, with every feeling you have expressed to me in confidence, knowing your past, assuming your future wondering if you will ever have what you want, need or most importantly deserve; the answer seems to be right there. You need to have faith in all that you nearly single handedly have done already.
You are faced with tough decisions... but it sounds like your heart has done what your mind is telling you not to do. Some times they do not work together and you have to decide which to follow.
-k
You will know what you should do and when you should do it. You'll be totally comfortable and will have no "what if's"
I promise your answer will come.
Post a Comment