Things are starting to get pretty awful here and I'm really struggling not to go over to DH's mom's house and just beat him down with a great big stick.
The Munchkin has stopped talking to him on the phone. DH will call and the Munchkin will say he doesn't want to talk to him. So DH stopped calling. WTF?? The Munchkin is two. He may not talk on the phone but he knows that he called. He knows that daddy is still there even if I don't want to talk to him right now he will call back... except when he doesn't, like now.
Thursday night he called and the Munchkin didn't want to talk to him. He has not called back since. It is now Monday that's 3 1/2 almost 4 days which is a LONG time to a two year old. Consequently he has now developed an abandonment fear. Anytime I left his site yesterday he would yell for me in a panicked voice. "MOMMY!!"
"Don't leave without me!!"
"Don't leave me..."
This morning he didn't want to leave me to go to daycare. I had to wrestle him to get his shoes on and then when we got there he just clung to me and SCREAMED. It was heartbreaking. I realize that part of it is his age but I also know that part of it is because of DH.
I'm so angry right now I just want him to go away and leave us alone. Sure, Munchkin will cry for awhile but he will get over it. What happens if DHS puts DH back in his life in another month and then he does this all over again in another 3 months? How much do I have to torture my child?
I think I'm going to leave early and go get him today. We were together all weekend but I can't help but think after a morning like that he needs a little mommy time. Or maybe I just need a little Munchkin time.
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Please Lord teach us to laugh again, but God don't ever let us forget that we cried.
I am a daughter, a sister, an ex-wife, a mother, and a person trying to make sense of the journey that got her to this place called recovery.
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Adding your 2 cents
If your life has been affected by alcoholsim or addiction and you feel like you have something you want to write here feel free to e-mail it to me at neverforgetwecried{at}yahoo{dot}com.
I am open to guest posts as I know that sometimes it just feels better to be able to write it down and send it out into the world.
I am open to guest posts as I know that sometimes it just feels better to be able to write it down and send it out into the world.
The Players
Munchkin = My son
DH = My Ex-Husband
M = Possible New Love Interest
Mom = My Mom
Dad = My Dad
SIL = Sister-In-Law
MIL = Mother-In-Law
FIL = Father-In-Law
Step-MIL = Step-Mother-In-Law
Confused yet?
DH = My Ex-Husband
M = Possible New Love Interest
Mom = My Mom
Dad = My Dad
SIL = Sister-In-Law
MIL = Mother-In-Law
FIL = Father-In-Law
Step-MIL = Step-Mother-In-Law
Confused yet?
3 comments:
Good for you. Sounds like a good day to enjoy each other's company.
-k
Glad to see you posting here again. Yes, the situation will create insecurities for Munchkin but don't discount the developmental stage aspect of it, too. Did his teachers say how he behaved after you left? If he calmed down shortly after you left and seemed pretty secure throughout the day then he is dealing with it okay. The main thing I would keep in mind, even with a 2 year old, is that you want to communicate the message of, "I know you can handle this." I was listening to some parenting podcasts recently and they were talking about how parents sometimes damage self-esteem in kids when they swoop in to rescue them from the pain of life and essentially communicate, "I don't think you can handle this on your own." Muchkin CAN handle this, even though he is only two. He has a Mama who loves him and would do anything for him, including go through this horribleness, and grandparents and friends around him. He will need to be aware of his strength to handle hardship because he will have it with his father for the years to come.
If, however, the teachers report that he is inconsolable during the day, etc. then it may be that there are some additional things you can do to help him cope.
Some simple things for a two year old to understand might be, "Daddy had to go away because he was sick." - you can repeat this over and over at his age and I think it is just the right amount of information.
Also, if he is upset at school it might help to tape up a picture of you and other people he loves in his cubby and then he can go back and look at it anytime he needs to.
Hope Mommy and Munchkin time was GREAT It's Daddy that misses out..Munchkin will slowly get to where he doesn't even ask about him if he continues to not call.
Texas T
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