IDM

I got a question today about IDM. I thought perhaps he deserved a post here, just to clarify a few things.

How do you know for sure that IDM is miserable? If he is, do you guys still talk? Have you thought about reconnecting with him at all? I know he's married but sounds like he's the one that got away. Have you questioned him if he feels the same way about you?

First and foremost, I need to start by saying that my relation ship with IDM is odd. REALLY odd, and completely surface level. I have known him for years but I know almost nothing about him. I couldn't tell you what side of the bed he sleeps on, whether he drinks coffee in the mornings, or even if he were given an onion would he bite into it like and apple or chuck it to the farthest regions of the earth.

He is a dream man for a reason. Because that's where he exists, in my dream world where I could escape the awful reality I was living in.

When I was in college, he worked late at night. In the down time I would call him on the phone. There was a few month stretch when I was in college where I knew his schedule and when to call him and we would talk for long stretches.

We would always joke about hooking up and me coming to see him or him coming to see me. In the end it was all just talk. It's always been just talk with us. At the time I was broken up with DH and probably just looking for something to fill the void. When DH and I got back together I stopped talking to IDM on the phone. He was married, nothing was going to come of me flirting with him so I went back to what was real in my life at the time.

But IDM and I never lost touch. He was one of the first people I called after all of this happened with DH to tell him I was getting a divorce. We talked for a long while about the problems in his marriage and how he wanted to leave her but just didn't think the time was right.

I reached out to IDM when all of this happened, even thinking perhaps he could come to my house. We could have some secret affair. Then all of the sudden it was like my eyes were opened. When I look at the big picture of the kind of guys I was reaching out to I have to look at the fact that he is married. If I was the one he was married to how would I feel about that?

I don't really know IDM's wife. I have met her a few times but meeting and knowing are two very different things. I was the wife once. And I thought everything was going alright and my husband was out there telling a woman something different. I don't want to be that woman. I deserve to be something better than that. His wife deserves my respect to not do that to her, whether her and him are unhappy or not.

So, I have to look at the fact that while IDM and I have some sort of connection, I need to find myself someone who better represents the values I want for myself.

Someone who would not look outside of his marriage for something he can't find in it. Who would instead either end the marriage or try to fix it.

What IDM and I always told each other was that when we were old and gray and our spouses had died or left us we would get rocking chairs and sit on a porch somewhere together. I think that is a good vision and something that I look forward to. :-)