The story of M

On the 18th of April I came home from a friends house late on Saturday night. Tax season was over, DH had moved out a month and a half earlier and been in jail for a month at this point having just been released a few days earlier.

I was bored and wide awake and decided to e-mail a friend of her husband's that she had told me about and also to join an Internet dating site. It was just for fun I told myself. Even though I was still in the process of the divorce I figured it would take awhile to meet anyone and as far as I was concerned I had technically been divorced for MUCH longer anyway. DH and I had never recovered from the incident on March 20, 2007 and I had basically been alone since then.

Every night that week I would come home from work and jump on-line to see if anyone had messaged me or to message "eye contacts" to people. On the 22nd, only 4 days after I had started looking I saw M's profile and sent him a note.

He sent me one back and we started sending messages through the site. However, D, my friend's friend, had also begun talking to me. I'm not so great with more than one guy at a time and since D was someone I knew in real life and M was just in the computer I sort of stopped messaging M. On the 25th, I know only 3 days later... what can I say... I have that affect on people..... he sent me a follow up asking if I wanted to keep chatting or not.

Thinking I needed to perhaps not put all my eggs in one basket I gave him my personal e-mail and we e-mailed back and forth for the next couple of days. On the 27th I sent him my last message and he just disappeared.

D was coming to visit me on the 30th so I figured just as well and never really followed up to see where he went. D came and visited me, we chatted one more time on the phone a few days later and then things sort of went South from there. I think the general gyst of it was that my past was a bit too much for him to handle. So on the 5th I sent him one last farewell e-mail.

And because I am a firm believer in fate, on the 6th I went to my personal e-mail and there was a message from M. He had apparently had a problem with his e-mail and was not able to access any messages for a week and a half. So... he didn't know that I hadn't tried to locate him, just that he hadn't been able to e-mail me back.

And the rest, shall we say is history. Shortly after that we exchanged phone numbers but have never once talked on the phone. We text. EVERY day. Never missed a day and never less than 5 - 6 times a day. There was one Saturday we started at 1:00 in the afternoon and I had to stop at 9:00 PM when my phone battery went dead.

We had our first date on May 20th and it lasted until 3:00 AM. It was amazing. I have seen him several times since then and I truly believe he has helped me to realize that I can have and definitely deserve better than what I was putting up with.

I struggle with him whether I'm going too quickly. I'm not divorced yet but at the same time don't feel like DH and I ever really recovered from his infidelity before he left for treatment. I guess for me it comes down to the fact that when I told him I was done I was just DONE. I had done all of my grieving before that point and at that point I was just done, moving on. So for me I feel like all of the time I needed to devote to getting over DH was done before he ever really left and now... now I'm just ready to be happy again.

So, who knows where M and I will go. I'm not in love with him but I could see myself getting there. He has not met the Munchkin and will not meet him until the divorce is final and until he decides that he wants to be in our lives for a lot longer than just awhile. Munchkin already has an absentee father figure. He does not need another one.

For now, I'm just enjoying being with someone who truly lets me be me. He knows everything that has happened and has never shied away from any of it. He treats me like a queen and I gotta tell you after 12 years of being treated like the servant girl it's pretty nice to be brought up out of the dungeon.