Acceptance

I lead a meeting last night and it finally dawned on me that the reason I've been struggling so much for the past two weeks all comes down to acceptance. In fact a lot of my problems in life have also come down to acceptance.

Accepting a situation for what it is and then deciding what to do about it. It is no more or no less it just is. For a long time I have struggled with food. I have a love/hate relationship with food. For awhile I didn't eat. Now I do but I eat certain things, sometimes LOTS of certain things.

A friend and I tried to do a healthy living challenge and as part of what I was supposed to do she tried to modify my meals. I shut down. I couldn't do it. I simply refused to participate because what I found happening was instead of letting someone control what I was eating I simply didn't eat at all. Which is not going to help me do anything but get more ill.

Yet, if I accept my body for the way it is, the way it will be, just as it is then I can start making some changes to my life without worrying if my body ever changes at all. If it does, great, if it doesn't, fine... I've accepted what it is.

For me, coming here and admitting to you that I may, or may not have had or still do have a mental health issue was the first step. Truly accepting it myself is an entirely different battle. Finally, last night I came to a conclusion.

It changes nothing.

I am no different than I was yesterday because I admit this. My life doesn't change unless I want it to and will never change unless I accept it just as it is first.

Then I found this video and I think more than anything it sums up what I was feeling and helps me to know that once I accept that I'm alright the way I am, I will find happiness whether anything changes or not.