Maturity

I'm having a really rough time right now dealing with DH's maturity level. Or rather lack of a maturity level. They tell you that when someone starts using they stop maturing. For DH this was somewhere between 13 and 16 years of age.

When I was told this I just nodded my head. After all, he had to be better off of drugs than on drugs, the rest we could deal with right? Seriously, this is MUCH harder than I anticipated. Some days it is like I have two kids instead of one.

Let me explain. DH has to take medicine. He has a "chemical imbalance" that may or may not have been present before the drug use but is certainly present now. If he doesn't take it regularly he is prone to mood swings. Sometimes violent screaming, throwing things mood swings. It is AWFUL!!

I have to remind DH on a daily basis to take his medicine to avoid this happening. I do not get to slack off and worry about myself because if I do we have weeks like two weeks ago where we get in HUGE arguments because he becomes irrational and "manic." I HATE having to be his mother. Last night he told me he had taken his last two pills.

I will have to call the pharmacy, I will have to go pick up the prescription. This is his last refill, his doctor left the practice. I will have to find him a new doctor, make an appointment, and remind him to go. If I don't, it is not just him that suffers the consequences, it is our whole little family unit.

And it is not just medicine... it is his whole life...

He had a credit card. He misused it terribly, but so did I when I was first getting used to having them so I excused it. It had a very low limit and I figured we would work through it and he would get it. It was nice, he could stop and pick up things at the store, grab food on the way home, etc.

About three months ago he didn't take his medicine and I didn't remind him. He had an "episode" A screaming, yelling, I want a divorce episode in which he ripped up the credit card and threw it all over our lawn.

I haven't replace it yet so I am back to being the only one who can stop at the store, pick up his medicine, pickup food, etc. It sucks. I pick up Munchkin from daycare, it would be SOOO much easier for him to stop and get milk than for me to stop, with the munchkin in tow and get it. Yet, I have to stop.

Aside from learning to live as an adult I also have to contend with the "social issues." I don't know how best to describe it to you except to come right out and say it. DH has the social grace of a 13 - 16 year old. And not just at home, in public too. And sometimes it is damn embarrassing to me. He will do or say something that I think is EXTREMELY immature and it makes me embarrassed and I react with anger.

This doesn't usually go well. A friend of mine has pointed it out and I have been trying really hard not to embarrass him in public but sometimes it is really hard. He is also this way at home. For awhile I thought some of his actions were cute, now they are wearing on me.

This morning he yelled at me because I let my alarm go off twice and then I got up, went down stairs and he came downstairs and apologized and then asked if he could get in the shower with me. Seriously? To me this just shows a lot of immaturity in social situations. Like he doesn't know that is not how you treat other people, etc.

It's hard for me to explain, but it is tiring, and wearing on me and just writing it here makes me feel 100% better about it, even if none of you fully understand....