So, the news from the lawyer was kind of a mixed bag. Several people have suggested that I am seeing only what I want to see in it. I believe that to be true also. At this point, I'm just proud of myself for at least taking that step and now I know a little bit about what my options are. Keeping him on just supervised visitations will be tricky and take some fighting in court. If he doesn't argue with my suggestion, it could go smoothly. If he argues it could get ugly. I don't really want ugly.
Yesterday, I set my first boundary that I'm counting on all of you to help me keep. I have contacted the lawyer, I am done with all of the crap, if he uses from this point forward I'm done. If I suspect he's using, I'm probably right and should probably be done then too. I figure with me writing here daily as long as I'm honest with you then I have to tell you if I think it happened or know it happened.
In an effort to keep myself honest, today is drug test day. I've been putting it off and putting it off. Part of me thought, well he'll just fail anyway, but I think a bigger part of me wondered if he wouldn't fail for more than just pot. And if he does, I think my choice may become more clear. While I have every faith that if he wants to, he can get away from the pot, I'm not so sure if it has gone farther than that if he will be able to.
Once he takes, and presumably fails, the drug test I can send it in to a lab and they will give me the results in number form. (i.e. how much is in his system) and I will be able to compare that to the next drug test I buy in another week and see if the levels are going down, up or staying the same. Either of the last two is also a reason for you to give me a giant shove forward off the cliff of divorce proceedings.
Last night we attended a meeting together. He hasn't been in over a week and when we got in the car he thanked me for taking him with me and told me that he talked to a lot of really good people and that was just what he needed.
We shall see...
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7 comments:
Even I…knowing everything I know am in shock.
What I hear you saying is (please correct me if I am wrong) if he tests positive for drugs but it is only pot then you will keep working toward the marriage, the family and sobriety? BUT if it is more than that everything is over?
At what point, at what time, does it all come to this, with a child, with yourself, that any drug, or the concept of even having to go through, or to, such extreme measures is workable? A drug is a drug is a drug where a child is concerned.
If I were smoking pot or abusing prescription medications or even drinking there is NO WAY you would let me be around your son.
Okay….I must stop because if I don’t I am afraid I won’t.
I've already said that I knew he was using pot. I know if I test him right now he will fail for pot. He used this weekend.
How is that confusing?? What I'm saying is that if his levels continue to drop and I have no reason to believe that he is still using than yes, I am going to continue to fight for my family.
If I see evidence of use or if I test him next week and the levels are the same or higher than obviously he is not working his program and not getting sober. That is when I expect someone to push me if I don't do it myself.
This is all I'm capable of right now. One last, I tried everything and I can't try any more. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you but in the end, I have to do what is good enough for me and what I can live with and look myself in the mirror with and this is it.
Let me make it very clear that I am NOT saying that I am ok with him continuing to use. I am saying that I am starting from today. That's the only boundary I am able to draw. The past is the past. From this day forward I'm taking back my life.
So will you be testing him weekly? Because even the most hardened 'Pot User' can go a week for a drug test.
As always, I hope that you get the answer that you want... but I also hope that your resolve is stronger now, and you can see through the blindfold you have been wearing.
-k
Good for you. That is just what I was trying to make clear last night. You cannot undo the past. But you can certainly take hold of your future.
-k
Me said...
Once a week... every week...
Pot stays in your system anywhere from 30 - 45 days.
The other stuff... if he disappears, if he acts like he's using, if I don't know where he is, I'm done with all of that too.
Believe me when I tell you, he is NOT himself when he uses. I will know. I have known every time for the past 3 weeks he has been home.
No advice or harsh words from me. Just sending you strength to make whatever decisions you need to make.
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