Frustration

This is the e-mail I sent to DHS and C&F tonight after I put Munchkin to bed.

Today as I was getting off of work I got a call from MIL. She asked me what kind of vegetables Munchkin likes. She said she wanted to make them for him. Which says to me a couple of things. #1 She has no idea what he eats for vegetables because they are too busy feeding him McDonald's and Burger King and #2 she had every intention of trying to impress the two of you by making some nice fancy meal to show you how great they are.

I'm sorry, but only cooking something good for him after 3 1/2 months and because you guys were going to be there makes me feel like they are completely putting on a fraudulent show for you and it irritates me. When you come here we are as we are. Sure Munchkin's toys might not all be put away and there might be a dirty dish on the counter but this is how we are. I don't have to put on a show for you guys because I have nothing to hide.

When I got there they told me that Munchkin had not eaten a good dinner (I'm not sure what they made) but that L you had told them not to worry about it because he would eat when he was hungry. Yet, they were feeding him Applesauce. If he doesn't eat his dinner it is probably because he was expecting McDonald's or Burger King from you and if he doesn't eat then you don't give him something else, he just doesn't eat.

It felt very much like they were, once again, putting on the show for you. Like we won't force him to eat while you're here and we will do what you suggest while you are here but as soon as you leave, here Munchkin have some applesauce and yeah do you want a drink of your pop. Yes, that's right the sippy cup of milk that they probably gave him when you were there was a show too. He had pop in a cup that MIL was giving him. To his credit when she offered it to him DH did say mom maybe he should drink his milk but the only reason he actually did is because the pop was gone.

Secondly, they had the nerve to suggest to me that perhaps if Munchkin is having problems at daycare I should consider sending him to a different daycare. Are you kidding me? Do they not know Munchkin at all?

I was trying to impress on them the seriousness of the situation and I mentioned that if we couldn't get this under control they could possibly kick Munchkin out. This would not be something they would do right away but if in a month or two he is still hurting other kids and we have tried all we can try it is a possibility. I thought maybe it would help them see how we need to try to work on this, it did not.

Instead MIL started saying that maybe it was the girls in his room (the afternoon girls are highschool girls from 3 - 6 but he is aggressive with the teachers in the morning too and they are my age) It was like she wanted any excuse not to fix the problem, but to blame someone else for it.

Then she simply suggested that perhaps I should send him to private daycare. Which is exactly what they did with DH when he was younger. If he was getting in trouble at school or in danger of getting kicked out they simply said that it was a bad school or there were bad kids there and they transferred him to another school. It is a classic alcoholic move to run away or try a change of location rather than fixing the problem.

I get what it is but it still pisses me off. When I made some off the cuff comment about barely being able to afford where he is now let alone a private daycare they had all the info they needed for their next attack.

Then it became about cost. Well I could send him to an in-home person. In-home is cheaper and MIL knows a great person who is right there in my town that I could send Munchkin to. All the while ignoring the fact that switching him daycares was NOT going to solve the problem.

I flat out told them I did not want to send him to an in-home provider but I did not go into detail as to any more reasons. As I told you L, I can't defend myself against those people. They start to attack and I just shut down. But honestly... really... can't they understand that Munchkin has been at that daycare since he was six weeks old?

He loves those people and they love him. He is comfortable there. Why would I transfer him out of a place that is safe to him into an unfamiliar setting when already so many things in his world seem to have been turned on their head?

Do they not understand this basic aspect of child psychology? Kids his age THRIVE on routine. They thrive on consistency and structure. He knows where he goes, he knows the teachers, he knows the kids, he knows the routine. I would not even CONSIDER changing him right now, even if I wanted to. We need to fix the problem, not run away from it.

Anyhow, that's all I have for tonight but I needed to vent it to someone before I exploded. It just frustrates me so much that these are the people I'm trying to co-parent with. These are the people that think they should be responsible for some of the decisions in Munchkin's life and they don't even have the basic skills necessary to do that.

Ok, I'm done.

The End.