Christmas with the In-laws

When you live in a family that has been deeply affected by alcoholism and addiction you get used to having your feelings hurt. In fact, at some point it becomes par for the course. He didn't show up for such and such. She embarrassed you at a party. All of that just becomes part of the life. But when I see that "part of the life" spill over onto my son something rages within me.

On the 28th of December we were invited to dinner at FIL's house. I wasn't sure I wanted to go, DH wasn't sure he wanted to go but it was one of the FEW events that his dad had invited us to so we felt like we should make an effort for the good of the cause.

On Friday the 26th we called his dad to see about a gift exchange. We had not purchased a gift for FIL or Step-MIL but were going to have family pictures taken on Saturday so figured we could get something at the mall if needed. Last year we went all out, got FIL, Step-MIL and the step-nieces something. We got nothing.

Now I'm not one to keep score. But I just figured that this year we would take a wait and see approach. Especially since we went to a lot of trouble to find something that we thought FIL would like last year and so far that gift sits in a closet. So we thought, why make the effort.

Anyway, we called and he told us that we were not doing gifts right now. That this was just a dinner and that we would do gifts when SIL was back at the end of January. Perfect. So Sunday rolls around and we head over to dinner. Munchkin took an early nap but was still in bed at 1:00 when we were supposed to be eating so DH headed over first and I followed at 1:30 when Munchkin woke up.

The first thing I noticed when I pulled into the driveway were all the cars. DH and I were under the impression that this was just FIL, Step-MIL and the Step-sisters. In fact, that was not what this was at all. This was Step-MIL's entire family. Sisters, parents, cousins, nieces, nephews, the whole schebang. And then us. I began to wonder immediately why FIL even invited us.

The second thing I noticed when I walked in the door was a huge pile of presents in the corner. Well that and the Wii, new washer and dryer, and new flat screen TV in the basement. (Didn't they just file bankruptcy??) When I saw the presents I immediately wondered what I was walking into but I thought if there are presents for the kids fine. We will just give FIL something later.

So we ate dinner and DH and Munchkin were playing downstairs trying to avoid Step-cousin who was someone DH did drugs with. Why again would FIL invite us over knowing that he would be there? Oh yeah... he's CLUELESS.

About 15 minutes later one of the cousins came down from upstairs and said we are going to open presents now and FIL looks at Munchkin and says Munchkin do you want to come upstairs and watch. What? My head just about exploded right there. He wanted my two year old to go upstairs and watch everyone ELSE open presents? Surely he couldn't be that heartless!!

But alas, it was so. When we got upstairs I heard some whispering about someone not getting a present. I thought it was another little boy there who has a name similar to Munchkin but it wasn't. It was munchkin. So one of the step-sisters takes a magic marker and writes over the 1st letter of this little boys name to spell my son's name and then laughs and hands it to Munchkin. They spelled his name wrong. I'm just fixing it.

WTF?? They didn't spell his name wrong. They didn't get him anything. So the mayhem begins. All the kids open 4 - 5 presents and there sits my kid with his $2 wooden truck. The little boy who is about his age, with the similar name, got a Thomas the Train set and Munchkin's eyes got really big.

The little boy brought it over to FIL to help open and then wandered off. While FIL was opening it Munchkin was right there telling him all about Thomas. Then as soon as he starts to get the pieces off the little boy comes back and shoves Munchkin out of the way. Munchkin's lip starts to quiver and he looks at me with that look. The one that says why didn't I get any Thomas toys mommy? Why don't I have anything to play with?

That was it, I lost it right there in the living room. Tears were rolling down my face and I kept wiping them away hoping no one would see. I was blocked in and couldn't escape to the bathroom so I had to just sit there, hugging my son and crying for his heartache. DH tried to ask me what was wrong but I couldn't talk to him. I knew that if I tried to say anything I would really break down.

Finally I got ahold of myself enough to get out of there without making a scene and I headed to the bathroom where I proceeded to break down again. Once I was done in the bathroom I marched back into the living room, grabbed Munchkin and proceeded to leave with him. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, except FIL who followed me out. I left DH there to explain why I was leaving and I took Munchkin to Target and promptly bought him a Thomas the Train set.

When asked by DH why there were not presents for Munchkin the answer that was given was that FIL didn't buy any presents for anyone. Who the F*&K cares?? Really? Are you that clueless? I can't explain to my two year old that he didn't get a present because the presents were from the Step-grandparents. Didn't Step-MIL, the one who is always complaining about how she wants us to feel like a part of the family, think about my son? Oh wait...no. No one did because as much as they want to play marter and say it is all our fault that FIL doesn't see us it is all on them.

I will NOT be taking my son to another one of their "family" gatherings. When SIL is back we are supposed to have a family Christmas over there with FIL's family. They love Munchkin and treat him no different that the grand kids they see weekly. I will go there for that. Otherwise if FIL wants to see Munchkin he knows were we live. 15 minutes from his house, but perhaps that is too far to drive, I'm not sure I can make the drive in that direction any more either.