Some days I'm sitting at home and there he is. On the couch, in the kitchen and I think who is this man? At the risk of admitting my mother was right, I think on this one... she might have been. She told me that I should marry a man I have something in common with so we would have things to do together and things to talk about. I ignored her. Love conquers all right?
I was wrong. Oh how there are days when I wish I could talk to him about something complex and he would be able to carry on a conversation with me. He can't. And there are days I think if I hear one more thing about hunting or fishing or whatever my head might just explode.
We are, to the core, totally and completely different. He was the bad boy, I was the good girl. He likes to hunt, fish, be outdoorsy. I prefer to only venture outside when the whether is between about 65 -75. No too hot, not too cold, not too much wind.
My favorite past time is blogging. Reading blogs, writing blogs, being on line, etc. He barely even knows how to get on the Internet. Let alone type anything. I can't tell him about my work or my on-line stuff without getting this blank stare from him. Just as he can't tell me about his work or his hunting or fishing without getting the same blank stare from me.
Yet somehow, when I saw him in the kitchen last night playing Where's Munchkin? There he is... my heart just melted. Somewhere in there is the man I fell in love with but some days I wonder if he isn't buried to deep to ever get out. Maybe I've changed, maybe he's changed. Will we ever be able to get back to that place where we would hang out non-stop and talk for hours on the phone?
As much as I complain about him and want things to be different, a deep part of me loves him for just the person he is. I just wonder if that is enough to keep me interested for as long as we both shall live. And more importantly can we get back to a place where it is healthy for both of us to be in this relationship. Past all of the hurt and the anger to where we both started out. Two young kids who thought love was enough to fix anything.
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4 comments:
Wow, does that sound familiar.
I do not pretend to have any insight into whether or not your situation will work. Other than to say if you(both of you) want it to work and are committed to working on it, it will. If it sounds simple(it is) "It" will work as long as you work on it. The question ultimately is, how long will you work on it. And only you(and he) can answer that.
My other thought on this(and it is also something I have personal experience with)
Is that you have only known Jake as an active addict. So in a way, even though you have all of these years together, really you are brand new, only you have the added stress of being "brand new" with all of the baggage...bills, kid(s), day to day stuff. It is so hard to get to know someone you have already been with for so long.
And try to really be open to the future and not the past.
Hugs ((( )))
That was a great post! Couples that do everything together goie me the heeby jeebies.... but you do have to have some kind of interestes together.
Wether it be forced or not....
I have found that I LOVE to sit in the fshing boat with my husband -- as long as I do not have to handle a fish or a worm!
Maybe try to be interested in something that he does-- fake it if you have to... flirt a little in teh process... get back to "those" days.
-k
I think K- is right….not every couple is going to like all the same things; you just need to find one or two things you can tolerate doing and then enjoy them argument and resentment free.
It is important that both people give and sacrifice to find and enjoy these hobbies. If you will suck it up and go fishing with DH even though I know you would rather poke your eyeballs out, then in turn he should be willing to go to the movie or do an activity of your choice.
We have this couple friends; she does everything he likes to do to spend time with him. She has taken up hunting and fishing to spend more quality time with him and while she says she likes doing these things now I often wonder how long it will take until she resents that he doesn’t ever do what she wants to do.
You give so much of yourself all the time to DH anyways I often wonder if you know what you like anymore. Could you plan an outing filled with ONLY things you want to do, see, experience, eat, etc.?
Instead of making it about something you already know.... he knows he likes fishing, you know you like computers. What about introducing yourselves to something totally new. Something that you two could learn together? An art class, book club, dance class? Hell trying a different restaurant. So it could be fun and new for both of you and you two are each other's comfort/support? Just an idea. Easier said than done. I know.
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