Sarah

Throughout all of the drama with my lady business I still couldn't manage to let go of DH. I would still talk to him on the phone almost every day, no more than ever two or three days. It was like fatal attraction. I still love you but I can't be with you. That sort of thing.

And for awhile there was Sarah. I have had a love-hate relationship with this name through the years and for me, the hate part started in the fall of 2000.

Right after I got diagnosed with the STD DH started dating Sarah. When I was younger Sarah was my favorite name. It was the name of my first cat, my special fortress and what I was certain I was going to name my first daughter. After this, it moved to the bottom of the list.

At some point I was at DH's house right before Thanksgiving and we slept together. I know, I can hear you now. You slept with the guy who gave you an STD? Look, I didn't say I was sane back then. So yes, I slept with him. And then I told him he had to pick between Sarah and me.

Just to make sure of it, while he was in the bathroom I got her number out of his phone. When he refused to break things off with her I did what any crazy woman would do, I called her. Explained to her who I was, that Jake had given me the STD and that she should be tested, and that oh yeah, by the way he just slept with me again.

She confronted him, he confronted me. And then his dad, in true enabler fashion found a way to make this all my fault. I remember the conversation clearly. I was sitting in the parking lot of the pet store. His dad was yelling at me about how I needed to mind my own business and I needed to let DH have a new life, etc.

I remember feeling crushed and thinking that I had lost him forever. Lost him to a girl named Sarah.