Throughout all of the drama with my lady business I still couldn't manage to let go of DH. I would still talk to him on the phone almost every day, no more than ever two or three days. It was like fatal attraction. I still love you but I can't be with you. That sort of thing.
And for awhile there was Sarah. I have had a love-hate relationship with this name through the years and for me, the hate part started in the fall of 2000.
Right after I got diagnosed with the STD DH started dating Sarah. When I was younger Sarah was my favorite name. It was the name of my first cat, my special fortress and what I was certain I was going to name my first daughter. After this, it moved to the bottom of the list.
At some point I was at DH's house right before Thanksgiving and we slept together. I know, I can hear you now. You slept with the guy who gave you an STD? Look, I didn't say I was sane back then. So yes, I slept with him. And then I told him he had to pick between Sarah and me.
Just to make sure of it, while he was in the bathroom I got her number out of his phone. When he refused to break things off with her I did what any crazy woman would do, I called her. Explained to her who I was, that Jake had given me the STD and that she should be tested, and that oh yeah, by the way he just slept with me again.
She confronted him, he confronted me. And then his dad, in true enabler fashion found a way to make this all my fault. I remember the conversation clearly. I was sitting in the parking lot of the pet store. His dad was yelling at me about how I needed to mind my own business and I needed to let DH have a new life, etc.
I remember feeling crushed and thinking that I had lost him forever. Lost him to a girl named Sarah.
Saturday, November 25, 2000
Wednesday, November 1, 2000
STD
When a man gets an STD, usually there are some symptoms. Burning, itching, etc. When woman gets one, often times there is nothing. They can go on for months or years without knowing anything is wrong.
For me, it all started with a burning when I wiped and a funny smell to my urine. I went to the doctor thinking I had a UTI. They ran a couple of tests and just to be safe did some STD tests. At the time I just went along with it. Didn't think anything of it.
Then I got the call. The one that tells you that you have positive proof that the one you are with has been unfaithful. I remember my mind grasping to try to understand it. Questioning the doctor on how I could have gotten it. Poor woman probably was just shaking her head, wondering how I could be so naive as she explained to me that no, I couldn't have gotten it from a toilet seat. It came from sex with someone. Someone who was supposed to be sleeping only with me.
When I hung up the phone I cried. Then I called him. I remember it like it was yesterday screaming into the phone at him that he had given my chlamydia while I drove the 30 minutes from my place to his place to confront him in person.
After I got there some words were exchanged but really, at that point, what can you do. I remember going out to his driveway, sitting in my vehicle and just sobbing. Wishing for all the world I could make the hurting stop. At some point he called me, asked me what the heck I was still doing in his driveway. Basically told me to leave.
This man, the one I thought I loved, was essentially telling me that my pain meant nothing. That it was time for me to go now. So I left, went back to college with a heavy heart.
As it turns out, for him all the symptoms were there but he was just too afraid to tell me so he waited. Hoping it would just go away. For him it took a course of antibiotics. For me it took much much more.
I battled a raging infection that would not go away for over two months. I was on round after round of antibiotics. Once a day, twice a day, three times a day. Finally two days before Christmas the doctors tell me the only option left is IV antibiotics. I am admitted into the hospital on December 22nd and spend the next two days hooked up to really strong antibiotics in an effort to kick what had not turned into PID.
When it was all over, when the infection finally left my body I was left with one thing. The knowledge that if the infection had damaged my tubes I may never be able to have children. The one and only thing I KNEW I wanted from my future and now, I was uncertain if it would ever happen.
For me, it all started with a burning when I wiped and a funny smell to my urine. I went to the doctor thinking I had a UTI. They ran a couple of tests and just to be safe did some STD tests. At the time I just went along with it. Didn't think anything of it.
Then I got the call. The one that tells you that you have positive proof that the one you are with has been unfaithful. I remember my mind grasping to try to understand it. Questioning the doctor on how I could have gotten it. Poor woman probably was just shaking her head, wondering how I could be so naive as she explained to me that no, I couldn't have gotten it from a toilet seat. It came from sex with someone. Someone who was supposed to be sleeping only with me.
When I hung up the phone I cried. Then I called him. I remember it like it was yesterday screaming into the phone at him that he had given my chlamydia while I drove the 30 minutes from my place to his place to confront him in person.
After I got there some words were exchanged but really, at that point, what can you do. I remember going out to his driveway, sitting in my vehicle and just sobbing. Wishing for all the world I could make the hurting stop. At some point he called me, asked me what the heck I was still doing in his driveway. Basically told me to leave.
This man, the one I thought I loved, was essentially telling me that my pain meant nothing. That it was time for me to go now. So I left, went back to college with a heavy heart.
As it turns out, for him all the symptoms were there but he was just too afraid to tell me so he waited. Hoping it would just go away. For him it took a course of antibiotics. For me it took much much more.
I battled a raging infection that would not go away for over two months. I was on round after round of antibiotics. Once a day, twice a day, three times a day. Finally two days before Christmas the doctors tell me the only option left is IV antibiotics. I am admitted into the hospital on December 22nd and spend the next two days hooked up to really strong antibiotics in an effort to kick what had not turned into PID.
When it was all over, when the infection finally left my body I was left with one thing. The knowledge that if the infection had damaged my tubes I may never be able to have children. The one and only thing I KNEW I wanted from my future and now, I was uncertain if it would ever happen.
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