News on the Home Front

Ok, this is going to be long. Get your coffee or your tea or whatever it is that you drink and settle in for a long ride. You might want to get yourself into some comfy pants because this could take awhile.

Here goes nothing.....

Well I sort of stopped as abruptly as I began with the one day at a time posts so I'm going to try to fill in the last month as best as I can. The 12th was my last post, and for good reason. That night DH was "working late" and couldn't come over. The 13th he was supposed to come over before work but refused to come because he was "tired." That is, of course, until the Munchkin threw the fit of all fits in the morning.

He wouldn't get out of his crib. Just cried and begged for daddy. So I broke down. I called him about 6:15 and I lost it. I told him I couldn't do this, I couldn't listen to our son cry for his daddy and he needed to start showing the f$%^ up. So he came. In hindsight this was a bad move on my call. But what is that saying... hindsight is 20/20??

So he came, and the Munchkin was THRILLED!! And then he left to go to work. Only he had to stop by his apartment first and then he had to drink coffee and go to the bathroom and spin around 5 times and jump up and down and pat his head and rub his tummy and who the hell else knows what because stopping, changing shoes and being ON TIME to work was apparently too difficult.

When he finally did make it to work they fired him. When he called me, it was my fault. He was fired because he was late and it was all my fault that he was late because he was over visiting the Munchkin. Of course it couldn't' have been the fact that he was late 5 - 10 times previously in the two weeks before that. Or the fact that he was not doing anything unless he was directly supervised. Or the fact that he was on his cell phone 24/7 (I called his boss). Nope it was all because I made him come and see his son.

He was hostile and irrational and threatening to go to his apartment and get his gun and go back and shoot everyone. Again... ding, ding, ding... warning signs that perhaps he was sinking farther down than I thought. But, I had seen this side of DH before when he was angry. I'd seen him act stupid and irrational sober so I guess I just didn't put two and two together.

Eventually he calmed down, went back to his apartment and took a nap. Exactly what I would do if I had just been fired. Why look for another job when sleeping seems like such a grand option....

Next thing you know Saturday rolls around. He had a counseling appointment and then he called me to tell me how it went and to ask me to call him when the Munchkin got up so he could come over. I call him after nap time and he shows up about 2:45 with McDonald's. Because after one has been fired it makes perfect sense to eat out doesn't it??

It just went down hill from there. He was downstairs with the Munchkin when his phone rang. It was a girl but he turned it down really low so I couldn't tell. I already knew and even though I was already set on the divorce hearing it and seeing it right in front of me felt like sticking a dagger in my back.

I brought down the rest of his clothes to the kitchen and told him that perhaps it would be best if someone else supervised visits from now on. He of course claimed they were just friends but became very hostile when I suggested that perhaps I should call her just to make sure she understood that he was still married and had still been asking me to get back together.

Sometime around 3:30 he said he was going to go. I told him that he would upset the Munchkin if he left after 45 minutes and so I told him I would go upstairs. I was on the stairs, on my way up, when the first of the threats started. The first of them being that if I took the Munchkin away he would kill himself and he would take me out with him.

Then came the physical intimidation. He climbed the stairs and got right in my face. At this point the Munchkin was watching everything that was happening and I told him that he was scaring him and to just leave. He got out of my face, went and said goodbye to the Munchkin and I thought it was all over. He was leaving.

Sometime between then and the door he changed his mind. Suddenly out of now where a glass was hurtling towards my head. I ducked and it hit a picture that was behind me. The glass exploded and when I looked up at the bottom of the stairs was the Munchkin. Surrounded by glass shards that started where I was on the stairs and went all the way down the stairs and around his feet.

It was at this point that the mother bear instinct kicked in. I'm not sure what exactly I said but I think it was something along the lines of get the f$%^ out of my house. I came off the stairs and towards the kitchen. I had made it to the doorway between the living room and the kitchen when he came back at me again. His fist was out as if he was going to deck me and he was running full speed. All I remember was ducking and when I looked up he was heading for the door again.

I no sooner stood up than a full container of laundry detergent (economy size) was hurtling at my head. I ducked again and it hit the wall above my head and exploded all over the kitchen. Finally after that he was gone. I locked the door behind him and I called 911. I know I watched him peel out of the driveway, I know the Munchkin was crying, I know I didn't give 911 my address because I was too upset but they got it anyway. The rest is all a blur.

After I hung up with them I called a friend of mine. I wanted her husband to come down. They live less than two miles away and I was afraid if he came back to hurt me it would be just me. I figured he could get there before the police. He wasn't home but she came. In hindsight probably better he didn't come, he might have killed DH.

After calling her I called my mom. I was crying and could barely get the words out but she knew it was bad and she knew to come. Then I sat down on the couch, held my baby and we cried together.

My friend showed up first, then the police, then my parents. Pictures were taken, the story was told, the report was made. He was stopped about 5 miles away and taken into custody. Then began the job of picking up the pieces. The mess was easier to clean up than the rest.

I will never fully be able to tell you what it feels like to hear a two year old tell that story but I can tell you it was and is heart breaking. I have been in domestic situations before. This is not new to me. I have lied for him before. I truly believe the biggest reason that I can not and will not lie for him any more is because I heard that story told through the eyes of the most perfect creature I've ever met.

In his words... "Daddy was loud" (He put his hands over his ears), "Daddy breaked his glass," "Daddy spilled his water," "Daddy maked a mess... Gampa come and clean it up."

For two weeks I held him and promised him that what Daddy did was very naughty and he would be in time out for awhile and that I would never... EVER let this happen to him again. Five weeks later, I think he's starting to forget. I hope in another five weeks it is all just a fleeting memory.

As for me, this was actually one of the least scary of his attacks if you can believe that one. More devastating only in the fact that the Munchkin was a witness. What has been harder on me has been the after effects.

The last five weeks have been a roller coaster of phone calls from FIL, MIL & Grandmother-in-law (GMIL). It started off with the everyone goes through this. Don't think you are the first person to have this happen. Really... cuz I don't seem to remember my parents throwing things at each other's heads... perhaps I blocked that out....

Then it moved into the he is so miserable in there. We must bail him out. Oh wooo is him... poor DH. Then on to the charges are trumped up. He would NEVER hurt you or the Munchkin. He was just mad and he threw things. He didn't mean to hurt you.

Moving quickly into, you need to drop the charges... can't... sorry, not my charges.. the state's charges.

So on to, are you sure you are done with him? Can't he come back home? Can't you two make it work? Can't you be a family again?

Then back into, the charges are over blown, it didn't happen like you said, and my latest favorite, I would like to come over and have you walk me through everything that happened so that you can show me because I just can't believe if the Munchkin was at the bottom of the stairs he wouldn't have been cut.

Perhaps don't focus on what you can't believe happened, because it happened. I have pictures. Instead focus on how much force did he have to put behind that plastic glass for it to shatter a picture frame into a million pieces? How much force did he have to put behind that 10 - 15 lb laundry detergent container for it to go clear across the room and hit the wall and explode?

Why not just say that someone was watching out for the safety of my little boy and someone above was sending me a message. Get out now... he's capable of much worse.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm getting the F&^% out. I met with DHS tonight and I think this post is long enough in and of it's self so I will save that one for tomorrow. Let's just leave it at she is sufficiently PISSED OFF!! (Not at me... at him...)

Gratitude List

Today I was speaking with my sponsor about how pissed I am about the current goings on and she suggested, ok... let's be honest, she gave me homework, to make a gratitude list before tonight's meeting.

As per my usual self I procrastinated and it is now about 30 minutes before I need to pick up the munchkin and I'm just now doing. So here goes nothing.

1) I am grateful that the Munchkin and I are both in relatively good health

2) I am grateful that I was able to refinance the house in my name before all of this junk happened

3) I am grateful for all of my wonderful and supportive friends and family

4) I am grateful that overall the Munchkin seems relatively un-phased by all of the drama going on around him

5) I am grateful that I have a job that I love in this questionable economy

6) I am grateful that I had the piece of mind to try to get my debts structured in such a way that I could pay them on my own, before it came to the point where I did have to start paying them on my own

7) I am grateful that I have a bountiful supply of free babysitters in the evenings and weekends so that I don't completely loose my sanity

8) I am grateful that the Munchkin will be able to grow up so close to his grandparents

9) I am grateful that I am able to afford a few extras here and there

10) I am grateful for the Al-anon program, without it I am pretty sure I would not have ever had the strength

Alive...

I just wanted to stop in for a brief moment to say that I'm alive. Things are really hectic with my job right now and I'm dealing with some pretty serious in-law issues in regards to DH's current housing situation. (In the county jail...)

For those of you who did not come here from the other blog but instead found your way entirely on your own... DH was arrested two and a half weeks ago for throwing some objects at my head and threatening to kill me. Minor really.. according to several members of his family.

Oh, did I mention that Munchkin was in the room and that in the process a picture was broken and glass was rained down upon the most adorably sweet little boy every created. But still... minor... no one was injured... he wouldn't really MEAN to hurt us.... he was just mad... and all that sh!t!! (**Please note the intense sarcasm in my tone....**)

Anyhow, I have to deal with the rest of my life right now but in two weeks I will be back here and hope to get TONS of writing done before I tell my story at an Al-anon meeting in a month and a half. In the mean time... I'm ok... just crazy busy!!