Sometime in late June I got my first experience with DH's concert scene. Not first hand mind you but being left at home while he went to party. DH had a friend, RW and the two of them were known to get into trouble together.
Some how one of them came up with the brilliant idea to make a road trip to Apple River in WI to go to Oz Fest. I don't remember the exact conversation but I'm pretty sure there was yelling and crying and you can't go.
But in the end, he went. I knew it would be trouble. I already knew at this point I couldn't trust him although I don't think I realized to what extent. I had a hunch there would be drinking and drugs. I think the women part didn't really enter my mind until later.
Tuesday, June 20, 2000
Saturday, June 10, 2000
Money Matters
In June of 2000 DH and I were back to our usual fighting in all of it's glory. This particular day we were at his parents house. I had just gotten a new jeep, well new to me, the previous fall and at some point as we were arguing he got into it.
The details I don't remember the sound the door made as the jeep rolled backwards and it caught a tree I will never forget. The door was open and something had to give and it wasn't the tree.
I can still see it in my head, the wrinkle down the drivers side door. The horrible sound it made every time I tried to close it. I told my parents that the wind had caught it and sprung it. I didn't know how to tell them the truth.
Then I freaked out trying to figure out how to fix it. This was WAY more than wind damage and would actually require a new door. Something my parents would surely figure out if I turned it in to insurance.
So, one day, when a credit card offer came in the mail I applied. Then rather than charge the repairs on the card I took off cash. $900 to be exact to have someone fix the door. As I look back, I'm guessing perhaps this was friend of the DH's family who offered to do it for cheaper than paying a body shop. I don't know why else I would have paid with cash and not charge.
Either way, this moment in my life was the first, but certainly not the last, time that I began borrowing and charging to cover up the mistakes DH made. This moment when I chose to go in debt rather than tell the truth was a turning point down a long, steep, slippery slope.
The details I don't remember the sound the door made as the jeep rolled backwards and it caught a tree I will never forget. The door was open and something had to give and it wasn't the tree.
I can still see it in my head, the wrinkle down the drivers side door. The horrible sound it made every time I tried to close it. I told my parents that the wind had caught it and sprung it. I didn't know how to tell them the truth.
Then I freaked out trying to figure out how to fix it. This was WAY more than wind damage and would actually require a new door. Something my parents would surely figure out if I turned it in to insurance.
So, one day, when a credit card offer came in the mail I applied. Then rather than charge the repairs on the card I took off cash. $900 to be exact to have someone fix the door. As I look back, I'm guessing perhaps this was friend of the DH's family who offered to do it for cheaper than paying a body shop. I don't know why else I would have paid with cash and not charge.
Either way, this moment in my life was the first, but certainly not the last, time that I began borrowing and charging to cover up the mistakes DH made. This moment when I chose to go in debt rather than tell the truth was a turning point down a long, steep, slippery slope.
Sunday, June 4, 2000
Can't Stay Gone
As bad as I thought it was and as much as I figured we were over DH and I somehow found a way back to each other.
At this point MW had moved out, DH had moved out and so it was just me, alone in a two bedroom apartment. I put an add in the college paper and had a few people come look to sublet it. I finally settled on a nerdy graduate student named W.
After W moved in DH and I rekindled our relationship and by January we went on a trip to Disneyworld together. I don't remember a lot of the trip but I do have pictures and it appears that we were happy. That we had a good time.
Through out the winter and spring we took a couple more little trips like this. Just a few weekend excursions to try to make us feel like more of a real couple. One I remember specifically. It was May, we went up north to do a little shopping and a little fishing.
It was windy and much colder than it probably should have been. We didn't have a boat so we had to shore fish and DH was frustrated and pissed off. I remember just wanting to be done. Wanting to go home so I didn't have to deal with him anymore.
Then in June DH's grandfather passed away. All of his family had traveled the hour and a half to see him, be with him, except DH. He said that death bothered him, that he didn't want to go. So when his grandfather passed he was the only one that was not there. He did end up going up there for the funeral and I drove up on the day it was held.
His grandpa was cremated and I remember this was the first funeral I had ever been to where there wasn't a casket. There was a picture and a little box. I remember being really bothered by that little box, knowing that his grandpa was in it.
After the funeral I went outside to say my goodbyes before I headed home and I remember his dad pulling me aside and thanking me for coming. Thanking me for being there to support the family. I remember at the time and still even to this day finding that really strange. It was June of 2000. At this point I had been dating his son for almost four years. Why wouldn't I have been there?
At this point MW had moved out, DH had moved out and so it was just me, alone in a two bedroom apartment. I put an add in the college paper and had a few people come look to sublet it. I finally settled on a nerdy graduate student named W.
After W moved in DH and I rekindled our relationship and by January we went on a trip to Disneyworld together. I don't remember a lot of the trip but I do have pictures and it appears that we were happy. That we had a good time.
Through out the winter and spring we took a couple more little trips like this. Just a few weekend excursions to try to make us feel like more of a real couple. One I remember specifically. It was May, we went up north to do a little shopping and a little fishing.
It was windy and much colder than it probably should have been. We didn't have a boat so we had to shore fish and DH was frustrated and pissed off. I remember just wanting to be done. Wanting to go home so I didn't have to deal with him anymore.
Then in June DH's grandfather passed away. All of his family had traveled the hour and a half to see him, be with him, except DH. He said that death bothered him, that he didn't want to go. So when his grandfather passed he was the only one that was not there. He did end up going up there for the funeral and I drove up on the day it was held.
His grandpa was cremated and I remember this was the first funeral I had ever been to where there wasn't a casket. There was a picture and a little box. I remember being really bothered by that little box, knowing that his grandpa was in it.
After the funeral I went outside to say my goodbyes before I headed home and I remember his dad pulling me aside and thanking me for coming. Thanking me for being there to support the family. I remember at the time and still even to this day finding that really strange. It was June of 2000. At this point I had been dating his son for almost four years. Why wouldn't I have been there?
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