Diary of a Sad Scared Teenager

01-04-96


"For the last day all me and L have done is fight."


01-08-96


"Today was our three month anniversary, we still spent most of the day fighting. It has been awful!!"


01-09-96


"We didn't fight today which is like a first in I don't know how long."


01-11-96


"I think I have just been stood up. L was supposed to be here to work on his research paper but hasn't shown up yet. We got in a fight after school today."


"He finally did come and we talked and made up AGAIN!! He didn't want to loose me and I don't want to lose him but I don't know what hurts worse, staying with all the fighting, or leaving and having a hole in my heart."


01-12-96


"Well M is here and I think we're in the process of fighting or something. It seems like that's all we do when she's here is fight. But when other people are here I fight with them so it must be me in which case I'm in trouble because I can never seem to say the right thing. I out to stop talking to people so I won't make them mad at me."


01-13-96


"L and I gto in another fight today over me insulting him which I really don't mean to do but do anyway. So I have to try hard not to do it so I won't make him mad cuz he says he's trying to change for me so I should at least be willing to try for the good of our relationship."


01-18-96


"I have to take some food to school because I have a feeling we'll do swing chior 5th hour and I need to have a little food in my stomach... BUT not too much cuz I need to loose back what I've gained."


01-26-96


"L and I had a major fight on Tuesday. We made up on Wednesday night so we're better now."


01-28-96


"The good news is I lost 2 inches off my waist. The bad news is I probably just gained it all back eating cinimon rolls. I feel awful about it. I mean I was already 1/2 a pound over to begin with."


02-01-96


"Depressed. What else can I write? I stepped on the scale yesterday night and I weighed 107. I about died."


02-06-96


"I'm so depressed I can't eat. I just kinda mope around and I thought about driving off the road on the way home tonight. It's gotten that bad. And the worst part is my parents think it's a big joke that they can laugh about. I don't think they can even comprehend depression"


02-18-96


"I've just majorly gone down hill. When I weighed myself this morning I weighed 103 1/2 which is good for me in my mind but all my bones stick out. M is in the hospital and I wish I was with her."


03-09-96


"I went to see Dr. E and he diagnozed me as anorexic and told me if I didn't get better he'd put me in Big City treatment center for a year. So I've been eating now but I'm going on a water diet tomorrow because I've eaten SOO much this weekend."


"On Tuesday the 5th we had History Fiar and I won!! But the bad news was that me and L fought all through it. It upset him so much that he didnt' come to school on Wednesday because he didn't want to face me. So that upset me and and so I got really pissed and upset and scratched at my wrists with a needle and fingernail clippers. But the 7th was our 5 month anniversary so we made up and everything which was really cool."


03-26-96


"Me and L have worked out almost all of our problems. It's been a very long time since we've had a fight. We've learned to talk things out. I guess maybe it's because he finally got strong and I got weak and it just works this way."


"I went to a meeting for people with eating disorders and I'm gonna go back next week. It was pretty cool and it makes me feel like I'm not the only one in the world with this problem."


04-09-96


"Well no more C the phychiotrist. My mom told me I'm making it all up and so I figure I don't need to go back if I'm find."


"Well the only bad part about being better is it means no more group. I love group and I hope I can go without it."


05-21-96


"Prom was kinda a drag cuz L had a fit but that's ok. I had a great time at after prom."