Life Altering

Somewhere along the way I learned that it is was very important what people thought of me and that I needed to do what they wanted to get them to like me. I learned it early and I told it to f&^$ off just a few years later. That thing that I learned, it changed my whole life. I will never know for the better or the worse.

In 6th grade R & I were still "dating." Somehow my "friends" had convinced me that it wasn't official because even though by this point we were talking to each other we weren't holding hands or sitting with each other on the bus or doing "official" dating things.

Somehow I took these words to heart and I decided that I had to make him tell everyone that we were together. It backfired on me. My little plan to make him tell everyone. I don't remember exact details but I think there was a note and somehow through all of it he didn't like the attention, the being put on the spot, hell maybe it was all in my head that we were together in the first place but I'm pretty sure he checked no.

I don't have the note, but the memory of crying in my room for days is still there. I let my friends convince me that it wasn't real because they said it wasn't and then suddenly it was all gone. I tried grasping at straws to get it back but it was gone.

Some days, when I'm lonely, I wonder what he's up to. What would have happened if I wouldn't have believed my friends. Wouldn't have been so pushy and demanded and answer from him. Would it have still just fallen apart or would he be the man downstairs right now instead of DH.