I'm five. In a few short months I will be leaving the baby sitters house to go to kindergarten. I live in a different school district than her so I can not stay at her house any longer. As a going away present she is making me a shirt. Every kid gets one when they leave, a way to remember her.
We go to the fabric store. A trip with my mom to pick out the fabric for my "special shirt." I pick one, my mom asks me if I am sure. I tell her that I am. It is BRIGHT. Not just a little bright, but a lot of bright. Primary colors, horizontal stripes.
She makes the shirt. I don't know how many times I have worn it but I know that I still own it. After I got married I cleaned out my room at home and there it was. Obviously I will never fit into it again but I can't bare to part with it. Somewhere in a tote up in our attic sits my shirt.
This year my baby sitter passed away. She will never make another shirt for another little kid. I'm so glad I still have mine.
Thursday, August 1, 1985
The mole..
I'm at the baby sitters. My mom comes, it is the middle of the morning. She doesn't ever come this early. She tells me that we are going to the doctor. We get there and he looks at something on my back. Something that my mom is concerned about.
Suddenly there is pain. Enormous amounts of pain. Horrible pain, I think I am going to die. I cry. Huge hot wet tears. I'm scared and that hurt. My mom tells me to stop crying, that the worst part is over. I can't. It hurt, I can't let him touch me again. It will hurt.
Finally the doctor leaves the room to give me time to calm down. I'm pretty sure at this point I'm screaming. She doesn't hug me. There is no comfort. Just angry words. I'm acting ridiculous. The shot wasn't that bad. I'm embarrassing her and I need to just stop it right now.
Finally I calm down and the doctor returns. I lay on the table and brace myself for the worst. It is over in two seconds. No pain, I feel nothing. He puts a bandaid on my back and I am free to get dressed. See? You should have listened to me. I told you it wouldn't hurt and you made that entire scene for nothing.
She is right, I am wrong. She takes me back to the baby sitters. The pain is long sense gone, the trauma will never go away.
Suddenly there is pain. Enormous amounts of pain. Horrible pain, I think I am going to die. I cry. Huge hot wet tears. I'm scared and that hurt. My mom tells me to stop crying, that the worst part is over. I can't. It hurt, I can't let him touch me again. It will hurt.
Finally the doctor leaves the room to give me time to calm down. I'm pretty sure at this point I'm screaming. She doesn't hug me. There is no comfort. Just angry words. I'm acting ridiculous. The shot wasn't that bad. I'm embarrassing her and I need to just stop it right now.
Finally I calm down and the doctor returns. I lay on the table and brace myself for the worst. It is over in two seconds. No pain, I feel nothing. He puts a bandaid on my back and I am free to get dressed. See? You should have listened to me. I told you it wouldn't hurt and you made that entire scene for nothing.
She is right, I am wrong. She takes me back to the baby sitters. The pain is long sense gone, the trauma will never go away.
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